The other day my colleague, Moonmoon, asked, "Firoz, with how many people u r not in talking terms?"
There are a few, I replied. From this to that, and the subject shifted to 'friends'.
I told Moonmoon that someone once said that "if you have five good friends you are one of he luckiest person in the world", and Moonmoon said that she do have.
I am unlucky to have so many friends. In fact, if someone asks me today how many friends I do have, I will have to think. I told Moonmoon that although she is the closest one to me in the organization that we worked together, although she is always helpful to me and I share a lot of personal things with her, I don't know if I can call her a friend the way I think of my friends.
Perhaps the problem is not with people, it is entirely in me. Perhaps I have got very high expectation of what a friend is, perhaps I am not being able to accept their friendship, or it could also be the possibility that some people I know are my friends but I am not being able to see them. Perhaps I am becoming colour blind. Or may be I am too possessive about my friends, and they cannot bear it. There is no end of ifs and buts.
Whether everyone I know over the years are friends or not is a very difficult question to me. Everyone I know is not my friend. Does anyone else also miss their friend? I don’t. I suppose, friends are there for all the time. You miss someone or something that was there but not anymore. And I also do miss certain things of my life, or my past – a past that I cannot visit again.
I do miss my childhood days. I do miss my grandma. But I do miss people that I met later on.
I do miss those few days that I spent in company of people like Pranab, Rajiv, Maani, Sumana, to name a few. If I want to write on these people, it can go on endlessly.
Sutapa is my oldest friend. She always cared about me. Whenever I had a tough time, she used to come up with some suggestion to help me out.
Rajiv and I have not met for a long time although occasionally we talk over the phone. Recently while n Face book he alleged that I have changed. He did not say in what sense I have changed, but said that it is our friends in
Changed for what - good or bad? And who’s good and whose bad it is! What is good for me may not be good for another person.
It does not matter to me. The consolation is that, at least someone noticed the changes. As far as I know, the only change in me, apart from falling hair is that I gave up drinking. Some blame it on my wife, Omi, because I gave it up during my marriage. But only Omi and I know that she has nothing to do with it, in face she did not know before that I ever consumed alcohol! It so happened that Omi comes from a family that lives thousands of miles away from alcohol, I knew that if she comes to know that I do drink, she will be shattered. And I felt that, I had no right to do that. And, therefore, I decided to give up drinking at my bachelor party that I had with Sanjays and Manashs and Kalyans and Utpals. Utpal and Kalyan even threatened me that if I give up drinking they will make a show in Omi's presence. They tried but it did not work out the way they expected. Knowing of their devilish plans, I told Omi in advance that I used to drink but now gave it up. And as one of the 3 idiots says, all is well, it was all is well for some time. Then I felt the disappointment of my friends on my not drinking alcohol.
I think, Rajiv was talking about it only. If my giving up drinking makes me an outcast to the people I know, I would prefer to be an outcast rather than go back to drinking. Moonmoon said at the time of need definitely there will be people by my side to which I asked her, can we call a sympathizer a friend? One can hire a rudali, but a rudali cannot be a family. My friends are not threatened by me. They do not have to hide from me. If someone does that, he is not my friend.
Alka Kheterpal has written a nice article on ‘friendship’. It goes as under:
“Friendship is a personal relationship shared between each friend for the welfare of other, in other words, it is the relationship of trust, faith and concern for each other feelings. It is a relationship of mutual caring and intimacy among one another. A friend is one who knows you as a person and regards you for what you are not what he or she is looking in a good friend. Best friend is one who accepts the good as well as bad qualities of his friend and also takes an initiative in correcting and mending them. Friendship is a distinctive kind of concern for your friend, it is a relationship of immense faith and love for each other.
Friendship is all about how much you care and understand each other. It is a pure relationship, which would make your friend smile, feel good as to how much you love him and care for him. It is all about talking, listening and building up a strong relationship loyalty among each other. It is string of love which develops gradually with each others involvement. In certain cases friendship may not last for a longer period and might end up or lose its prime importance of love and regard for each other. There are some friendships which might end with unresolved conflicts and tiffs which mean that this type of relationship were not so strong that could hold on their own in adversity and bad times. Friendship is not about merry-making and fun, it involves equal loyalty from both the partners.
It should be understood that not all friends are best friends. One might come across numerous number of friends in his life but there are very few who will be their during your ups and down. How one should recognize your best friend - the one who will understand your strengths and shortcomings and would be with you in all your good and bad phases of life.
A true friendship does not consist of a huge number of friends you keep but it is valued by its worth and capability to hold you and stand by you in all phases of life. That said finding a best friend from among your friends is the hardest task to do. A lot of people say that the best friends automatically come closer from among a group of friends and you will never have to make an extra effort to do find one. That is how the strong bond between true friends is formed.”
(http://ezinearticles.com/?Definition-of-Friendship--A-Few-Facts&id=1267049)
The definition of friends and friendship differs. There are friend, good friends, true friends, best friend! What is the difference between a friend and a best friend? Or for that matter what is the difference between a true friend and a friend? I don’t know. I really don’t know. For me, there are no two definitions of friends. Muhammad Ali has said, “Friendship is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything…” Perhaps, I haven’t learnt anything.
For me a friend is someone with whom one can share his feelings, joys & sorrows, pains & pleasures. A friend is someone whom we do feel, all the time.
Unfortunately I do not have such a friend. But that does not mean that I don’t have a friend. I do, and a very good one. My pen is my best friend. It listens to me. It lets me express all my feelings, whether I am happy or not, it does not matter to my friend, and it always helps me to whatever I want to do. I can cry on its shoulders, and silently it tells me, “Firoz, you did what you think is the best. Now look up to another day.”
Not that I always had a very good relationship with the people that I met. But I don’t have any regrets or complaints against any of them; rather I do cherish the memories of all those people that I came across in this world. From each and every one of them, I learnt something or the other, and I am grateful to all of them.
I wish I could have written all the things that come to my mind. But blogs are not like books that can be read at the bed time. Many of you may not agree with my views.
Do I regret for not having a friend? Well, I don't know. I really don't know. Perhaps I will have to ask Jahangir Khan again. But that is a separate story.
