ShonitDa, RanelDa, Abir and Kamna bou

I have not met any of them but I do know them, and I think I know them well. Shonit Das is a common friend of Mitra Baideo (Phukan) and that’s how we came across and became friend through Facebook. Through Shonit Das I became a friend of Ranel Kumar Das. Abir is ShonitDa’s son and Kamna bou is Abir’s mother who recently passed away.

I have seen all of their photos on the Facebook. All of them (except Kamna Bou) lives in the US of A. Shonit Da and Ranel Da are great buddies. Very fun loving. Whenever I talk to them, they make me forget the loss of my elder brother.

Kamna bou passed away on 15 December 2010. She was suffering from cancer for five years. January 4 was her birth day. I have seen loving tributes by Shonit Da, Abir and Ranel Da. In fact Ranel Da immediately after the passing away of Kamna Bou changed his profile picture and put one of his along with Kamna Bou and said that this will his profile picture till he is there. I wish he is there as along as along as I am. They are all very fond of Kamna Bou. Shonit Da has said to someone that Mr George called him, but he could not take the call as precisely at that very particular minute he was counting Kamna Bou’s last few seconds.

Shonit Da was lucky to be beside the person he loves so much. Whenever I think of the ‘last few seconds’, I think about losing my brothers Twis and Twin. The first one elder and the other are younger. Kaka was a dear to Abba and Twin was Ma’s fav. I am the middle one. Unfortunately I have not been able to any damn thing for them. Twin passed away on the night of 25^th April 1983. A student of class Ten, he was running away from the cops since he was also the General Secretary of the local students union and the Assam movement was at its peak at that time. I was in Diphu (Karbi Anglong) and Kaka was also studying in Diphu. Around February 1983 Twin was arrested for setting the house of local Congress candidate’s house on fire. When he came out of the jail after a fortnight, Kaka asked me to take care of Twin but I did not listen to him. And Twin too decided to carry on his fight against the administration as well as against illegal immigrants.

Because of the police Twin rarely used to spend the night at home. He was also to stay that fateful night on someone’s house. He was waiting for the dinner, and then someone called him. Ma was ready with the dinner. But Twin did not return. It was the next morning when Ma saw his body hanging in the kitchen of another staff’s house. At that time our family used to live in Kamargaon near Numaligarh although Abba was posted at an interior place called Bonkowal. Our family was waiting for the Twin’s class Ten exam to be over. And very surprisingly, on that very particular day, all three staff of the Kamargaon Veterinary Hospital was on leave, and Twin’s body was found hanging in the kitchen of one of the staff. Kaka, on hearing the news told me, “I told you before to take care of Twin and you did not. Otherwise this would not have happen”. When I reached home, Twin’s body was lying there, after the post-mortem, outside, for the last bath before the burial.

28 years has gone, and I am still hearing those words of Kaka that I am only responsible for Twin’s death. And I will never be able to forget this. I will never be able to forgive me for Twin’s death.

Kaka passed away ten years later. I was in The Sentinel at that time in Guwahati. Kaka was in Sibsagar with his family. He had two sons – Pinku and Rinku. His posting was somewhere in Karbi Anglong. Fifteen days of work and fifteen days rest. Next day he was supposed to go for duty. On that particular day he decided to drop Pinku and Rinku at school, and while coming back from the school he was hit by a scooterist, and died the same evening at Dibrugarh Medical College due to brain hemorrhage. That was 25 August 1993.

Next day around lunch-time Pabitra, our peon told me that there was phone call for me and the message was that Kaka had an accident and is in Dibrugarh. Pabitra have not had all the details. I was a little confused. We live in Dergaon, Kaka in Sibsagar, his workplace is Karbi Anglong, and how the hell he could have an accident in Dibrugarh! But I was ready to take the opportunity to take a couple of days leave on this pretext.

Everyone in The Sentinel, including my editor Dhiren Bezboruah, director Bhaitida (Sandeep Rajkhewa), general manager P.L. Senapati any my colleagues were all eager to send me home immediately. The stupid mind of mine who normally woks overtime, on that day never thought – even for once – why are they so eager to send me home! Bezboruah Sir’s son-in-law was there at Dibrugarh Medical College and a good surgeon. I took telephone numbers of all the doctors and persons who could help me in Dibrugarh, and in the evening went to Sibsagar. I thought Sibsagar is the best place for me to get all the information.

And the moment I got down from the rickshaw in the morning of 27 August, I was told, “What are you doing here? He died day before yesterday”.

Again, when I reached home, Kaka’s body was there, after the post-mortem, for the last bath before burial.

I thought 2003 was my time. But that did not happen.

Abba, Ma is still in Dergaon, counting their last days. I am not being able to go home for the last four years. Every time whenever the telephone rings, my heartbeat increases, expecting the unexpected.

That’s why I said that Shonit Da was lucky to be beside Kamna Bou in her last few seconds. And for me, as Kaka said if I would have listened to him, perhaps Twin would not have gone on that day. Perhaps he would have still been around us. And for Kaka, in spite of having too many contacts, a little influence because of the newspaper tag, I was just a helpless guy! And now, although being the only son, after Kaka and Twin took shortcuts, I am not there with my parents!

No, I cannot forgive myself. I am too lucky to have brothers like Shonit Da and Ranel Da. They are also very fond of me since they don’t know what I am, what I am to my family. I cannot even cry. The tears stopped rolling down from my eyes long ago. They too are not with me any more. Except at times when I listen to some sentimental songs, memories come back to, they haunts me. My pain and sorrow are my earnings, and they will always be there with me.